follow up on Fry

This stuck with me from the Stephen Fry interview:

"Let's forget what successful people have in common. If there's a thing that unsuccessful people have in common, it's that they talk about themselves all the time. 'I need to do this, I need' — their first two words are usually 'I need.' That's why nobody likes them, and that's why they'll never get where they want to be." But "if you use your eyes to look out, not to be looked into, then you connect, then you're interesting, then people want to be around you. It's about the warmth and the charm you can radiate that is real because of your positive interest in others."

I myself have thought about these words of Fry's often since first watching this interview with him half a decade ago. Clearly these pieces of advice to his eighteen-year-old self have wider applicability, and he has much more to offer besides: Spend a few extra moments and a few extra words connecting with others. Efface yourself. Deliberately pursue experiences different from the ones you "know you like." Travel and read. Have heroes and mentors, and keep learning from them. Sharing the benefits of life is the benefit of life. Understand the dual pull of being a part of and apart from the "tribe." Test things out instead of taking them on trust. Never read the comments. Kindness counts more than virtue, justice, truth, or anything else.

And, we might add, make sure to ask the right questions when seeking advice — but make even more sure to ask the right people.

via {open culture}