Aristophanes and Authenticity

As I feel my way through this murky dissolution of a 6 year relationship, I keep returning to the question of when I betrayed my beliefs and better judgments, at what point did I put my values on hold because he was so fascinating, complex and so darn sexy? And this would not eat away at me nearly as much, if my biggest reason for starting down a path separate from his was the lack of stability in him, and my lack of respect for his ideals and beliefs. I mean, really, I should have seen this coming, right?

And then I read Elizabeth Gilbert's chapter on infatuation, and I see how easily I am one of Aristophenes' wanderers, looking for my better half. Yes, I want to find a person with whom I can share myself, I want to pick the kids up from school year after year, I want to build a home for my family. But I cherish this time to face the fragments of my imperfections out in the sunlight, to honestly consider the defective, less desirable characteristics of who I am in my own eyes. So here's to starting my own journey of honesty and sincerity, leaving excuses behind. Each day is a fresh chance at authenticity.

from Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert, p. 102-106
"The problem with infatuation, of course, is that it's a mirage, a trick of the eye--indeed, a trick of the endocrine system. Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it's more like love's shady second cousin who's always borrowing money and can't hold down a job. When you become infatuated with somebody, you're not really looking at that person; you're just captivated by your own reflection, intoxicated by a dream of completion that you have projected on a virtual stranger. [...] Any actual relating is impossible during such a state of pitched fever. Real, sane, mature love -- the kind that pays the mortgage year after year and picks up the kids after school -- is not based on infatuation but on affection and respect. And the word "respect," from the Latin respicere ("to gaze at"), suggests that you can actually see the person who is standing next to you, something you absolutely cannot do from within the swirling mists of romantic delusion."