Once again *The Washington Post* has published the winning submissions to its annual neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. *Coffee* (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. *Flabbergasted* (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. *Abdicate* (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. *Esplanade* (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. *Willy-nilly* (adj.), impotent.
6. *Negligent* (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. *Lymph* (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. *Gargoyle* (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. *Flatulence* (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. *Balderdash* (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. *Testicle* (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. *Rectitude* (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. *Pokemon* (n.), Rastafarian proctologist.
14. *Oyster* (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. *Frisbeetarianism* (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. *Circumvent* (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, *alter* it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
*-Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
*-Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
*-Sarchasm* (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
*-Inoculatte* (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
*-Osteopornosis* (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
*- Karmageddon* (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
*- Glibido* (v.): All talk and no action.
*- Arachnoleptic fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
*- Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
*- Ignoranus* (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
via {washington post}
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