building connections

The loaded “how are you?” question: a lot of us hate it. Some of us struggle with answering it. “How are you?” Is a question that we say out of habit. It’s one that we may not quite know how to answer, especially if we’re going through something chronic or particularly difficult.

A lot of my clients tell me they hate the question, yet we keep on asking it.

There are certain situations (like when your coworker passes you in the hall) where you should probably just stick to “fine” and keep it moving. But, for the people that we really do feel safe with, we can and will want to share. Humans are wired for connection and sharing is how we build that connection.

If you find you’re not getting much of a response from your spouse or someone you love when you ask “how are you?” at the end of the day, it might be time to mix it up.

Here are some questions that may illicit more than an “I’m fine” or “my day was horrible” and will help you improve your connection and conversation. You can also ask yourself these questions if your thinking is getting really negative or generalized.

Any others you’ve tried?

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