neologism

This cracks me up!

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door
in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Some great neologism entries that turned out to be already in wide circulation:
hautemeal for fancy cereal;
condominimum for a tiny apartment;
ethic cleansing for dismissing one’s conscience;
grabbadocio for being proud of assaulting women.

4th place:
Some people can make millions of dollars and spend every last cent of it. What incomepoops. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

3rd place:
It seems even the firmest nonbeliever will pray when the circumstances are dire enough, such as during severe turbulence on an airplane. This phenomenon could be called foxholiness. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

2nd place
and the offensive guitar-man bottle opener:
A co-worker comes in with a loud, chesty cough, having no concern for the health of everyone in the office. He’s a literal phlegmthrower. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
It takes real nerve to admit that your son met with a Russian lawyer to get information on your election opponent — such cahootzpah! (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
2. Foreploy (V): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (N.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (N): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (N): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (V): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (N): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (N): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (N): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (N.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things
that are good for you.
11. Glibido (V): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at
you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally
walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (N.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three
in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (N.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're
eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (N): A person who's both stupid and an asshole

via {washington post}