how we treat our nearest and dearest should be a gentle place to fall

I loved the concept in this article:
kindness above all else in our nearest and dearest relationships,
choosing to see our most cherished loved-ones through rose-colored glasses,
creating a culture of goodwill.

I am the first to admit that I can be horrible to my family
because they have the uncanny ability to push my most sensitive and reactive buttons.
That darn vulnerability that comes with closeness is just a pain in the tuckus sometimes.
And it is so refreshing and heartening to realize that we can choose to react
towards the most aggravating circumstances.
Because, in the end, the really good people in our lives make it worth everything else.

As a side-note, the most unattractive element about the otherwise perfect specimen of a potential partner  on a recent date set-up was his lack of kindness.
I am relieved I am not a weirdo for my desire of someone with a good heart and a gentle soul.
(and yet, I remain still proudly and conflictedly single).

It reminds me of a quote I recently encountered from a father to his wife:
"I want to end [this book] with an apology. I know my candor is often hard to bear. I was so committed to the idea of honesty that I forgot about her truth."

What is that fine line between truth and honesty, about respecting and valuing someone
even if they choose something differently?
How can we start and maintain an open conversation with people who seem otherwise bat-shit crazy?

Psychologist John Gottman has a crazy party trick: He can watch a married couple interacting and then predict with 94 percent certainty whether they will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Intense, right? Well, in a recent Atlantic article, Gottman revealed the key to a good marriage...

John Gottman says: “[Happy couples] are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. [Unhappy couples] are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

“It’s not just scanning environment,” chimed in Julie Gottman. “It’s scanning thepartner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”

Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there...

Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together...There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise.

via {cup of jo} and {the Atlantic}