a birthday

As I go about my day today, the sky is dreary and cold,
a reflection of my sadness. 
My thoughts have been circling around you all week.
I think about you all the time, 
but you have been especially close lately.
From the tenderness and sadness in Mahler 4,
knowing you would love those suspensions and cello solos;
to seeing you playing Brahms c minor piano quartet in my mind's eye;
to remembering what is was like playing together in the yard;
to trying to find meaning in what I do, in the face of so much pettiness;
to the tears that live just below the surface;
to wanting so much to pick up the phone to call you
just to say hi, and to tell you how much I love you. 
Happy birthday, dear Dave.
Missing you doesn't get any easier.

quote by Longfellow
photo via {cartina}