It’s often not until you’re faced with the imminent prospect of death, that you’re awakened to those things that are most important to you and to your happiness.
Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse, questioned her patients about what they would have done differently, and found the following five most common regrets. We especially love her advice to choose happiness, as she says “many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice”. Bronnie explains each end-of-life lesson learned beautifully and compassionately as follows (we hope these will become, for you, five things that you achieved and are most proud of):
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Read the full story here, we highly recommend it!
via {dear jack}
hmmm "be more honest with others...." or the relationship goes to pot one way or the other. true, and i am learning personally that avoidance of discussing issues/feelings can stifle things as much as -maybe more- saying things the wrong way, or (what i think is more likely) having them taken the wrong way in our supersensitive fam. and you can't go through life taking responsibility for other people's sensitivity, although i am trying to figure out how to factor that in as you can't really ignore it either and where the heck do you find middle ground if you know what you have to say is going to make them upset/mad/hurt. the other thing that scares me is that when i get caught up in an issue/emotion enough to actually want to say something about it, i forget that the overriding motivation is love/wanting to maintain a relationship and i want to make my point/"be right" enough that i only express the negative and not the whole picture. which leads me to avoidance. because that does make things uncomfortable to say the least. BUT i am learning that avoidance is bad too. so i guess, all this to say is i am trying to learn how to disagree nicely, but i feel as uncomfortable/unnatural as a beginning violinist...
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