Loneliness and Aloneness

{from whom else but my fav, joanne goddard}

sometimes nights are just a little lonely when you are single, and seeing cute pics like this make me feel my companionless-ness that much more keenly.

...no question about it...

So what do I do? Lose myself in a storyline. 

Hook. Line. and Sinker. 

Taking a cue from my dear older sister not to be embarrassed about my favorite flavor of brain candy, I just finished the new Emily Giffin book in less than 24 hours, Heart of the Matter (the ultimate chick lit) and definitely identify most with Valerie, the single mom, a woman who stands up for herself, is slow to trust, works hard for herself and her son, and is incredibly independent, rather than Tessa, the perfect career woman/wife/mother, whose life is so far from my own right now. 

Ultimately, the book is about confronting one's weaknesses and finding forgiveness for the oldest and deepest hurts, despite "all the judgement from society, friends and family [...] to protect your heart and pride." And I can understand Tessa's reflections and admissions at the end, "hearing the words, 'forsaking all others for as long as we both shall live.' That was the way it was supposed to be. But that didn't happen. And yet here we are, 2 children and a broken promise later, standing before each other just the way we stood before the altar with equal parts love and hope. And once again I close my eyes, ready to take a leap of faith, ready for the long, hard road ahead. I have no idea how it is going to turn out, but then again, I never really did. [...] And I smile [...] because he knows that sunny-side up eggs are my favorite, and because I believe that buried beneath disappointment and fear, anger and pride, I just might find it in my heart to forgive."

But I this quote stuck out to me the most as I reflect over my own relationship that has recently dissolved, the remnants of which has made most recent interactions with others off-balance and ill-fitting:

"I nod, and think how difficult a [relationship] can be, how much effort is required to sustain a feeling between two people, a feeling that you can't imagine will ever fade in the beginning when everything comes so easily. I think of how each person owes it to the other to 

find individual happiness even in a shared life. 

That is the only real way to grow together instead of apart."

And this brings to one of my favorite Khalil Ghibran chapters (despite the stigma of the 70's). 

Someday...

You were born together, 
and together you shall be forevermore

You shall be together 
when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together 
even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces 
in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens 
dance between you.

Love one another 
but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea 
between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup 
but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread 
but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, 
but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone 
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, 
but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life 
can contain your hearts.

And stand together, 
yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress 
grow not in each other's shadow.